Forgiveness . . . How do I really do that?

Lewis Smedes says there are really four elements in forgiveness:

1. You surrender your right to get even.
2. You give your enemy's humanity back.
3. You get the freedom to wish that person well.
4. You are willing to be open to what God wills.

I think those are some powerful things. To me, I think the greatest roadblocks to actually asking for or extending forgiveness to others is that we don't understand it and what it's really for. We think forgiveness means telling someone what they did was really OK. We think it simply means tolerating bad behavior. We think it means there are no consequences, that we are just letting someone off the hook. Still some think that if you forgive someone you can instantly forget the wrong and trust the person all over again as if nothing happened. These are just some of the misconceptions about forgiveness. There are a whole lot more!

More than anything else, I believe forgiveness is necessary because God wills it. In one sense that should be enough. But if that was enough people would be tripping over themselves to forgive - and they aren't! But there is another reason. I think forgiveness is important because it frees us from being locked up in the prison of our past. If we cannot forgive, the only alternative left is to hold onto the anger, the pain, the wound, the loss, the betrayal, etc. In this way forgiveness is a gift from God that sets us free.

Here are some important steps:

1. Declare the wrong. - You can't forgive something unless there has been a wrong committed.
2. Acknowledge the bitterness of unforgiveness. - You can't move forward until you admit you are carrying bitterness and agree to put it down.
3. Decide to obey God instead of your feelings. - If we wait to feel like forgiving we never will.
4. Live out of the mercy line. - We cannot give what we have not received. Until we receive and internalize the forgiveness of Jesus we will not have the capacity to extend it to others.
5. Pray for you and for them. - Forgiveness is a supernatural act that only happens with God's help.
6. Make your forgiveness visible. - When forgiveness is real, you can see it. People live at peace. They reconcile and make restitution when possible.
   

What other elements in forgiveness might be left out here? What are some stories you have where you walked the road of forgiveness?