Why is reconciliation so hard?

I have been spending a fair amount of time thinking on the subject of reconciliation lately. If I had to total up the hours each year that I spend helping others work through issues related to reconciliation I think I would be stunned. It's simply one of THE most important and time-consuming things I do.

This subject is not something trivial or optional and its certainly not something that the Bible is quiet on. Here are just a few of the scriptures related to the subject:

Matthew 5:21-26, 18:15-17; Romans 12:9-21; 1 John 2:9-11, 3:11-16

Maybe the most telling to me is 1 John 1:7:

But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

The implication is that if we don’t have true fellowship with each other we will be in darkness and sin and separated from God. That is a big deal. Since this subject clearly is such a big deal to God, shouldn’t it be an equally big deal to us? If so, why don’t we all take it more seriously? Why do we settle to for the status quo even though it hurts our relationship with God and with others.

Richard Rohr wrote, “If the pain of your story is not transformed, it will be transmitted.”

I know so many people who transmit their pain and anger and sour disposition onto others, both intentionally and unintentionally, rather than allow God to transform their conflict so they can be at peace again.

I know reconciliation is not always easy or quick, but I also know that when it occurs no one ever regrets the work done to achieve it. Maybe we need to tell those stories more so others are encouraged to take important reconciliation steps.

When you have found it, true reconciliation and peace, what does that look and feel like? How were you effected? Please share some stories.