St. Augustine was famous for his struggles before embracing the Gospel and the Lordship of Jesus for being a wild man, a partyer and a philanderer. In his spiritual quest he investigated all sorts of different "options" before surrendering to Christ. Towards the end of that journey he prayed a very honest prayer that is recorded in his autobiography called Confessions. He prayed that God would change him, but in reality he didn't want to change. This is what he wrote:
I had prayed to you for chastity and said 'Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.' For I was afraid that you would answer my prayer at once and cure me too soon of the disease of lust, which I wanted satisfied, not quelled. (pg. 169)
"Not yet." I wonder how many times I would have to pray that same prayer if I was honest. For example, instead of wanting my anger to be quelled, I really want it to be satisfied by letting someone have it or getting them back. I would certainly never say this. I may not even think it, but in reality - deep down - it may be what I really want.
Why is that? If I believe God's way is really the best way, if Jesus is really the best example for how life should be lived, then why do I run after many other options before I finally turn to His? I am ashamed to think about how often this has been true in my life.
I think the only way to victory is twofold:
1. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." - 1 John 1:9. I need to honestly, simply and straightforwardly confess my sins to God. Doing that acknowledges the whole truth of the sin problem to the God who already knows it and brings it from the darkness into the light.
2. "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." - James 5:16. I need to do the same to another person or persons who I can trust, who want God's best for me. If I don't have someone then I don't get to skip this part. I need to find someone - and fast. This kind of confession also brings the sin into the light.
Sin cannot survive in the light. It only lives in darkness. The "not yets" keep sin alive in the darkness or our lives. Only confession and repentance brings it into the light and robs sin of it's power.
What do you think? Are there any "not yets" in your life? How do you think you will gain victory over them?
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Not yet.. still on a roll. St. Augustine is just one of many who had to prove to himself, through the sowing of his wild-oats, that he wasn't in charge, and only after no one else would have him, he turned to God for solace/salvation, and discipleship, like many others have done, are doing, and will do. History has a way of repeating it's self as evidenced by the present day - replays of the past, There are two ways to learn - by on hand experience, and visual observation. It doesn't take a rocket science mentality to opt for the objective way. Some learn early in life, and others are - slow learners, who will eventually see the "light", or pay the price for their ignorance. God knows best, and is willing to share with those with an open mind, when invited. Become a great host.
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