Forgiveness . . . How do I really do that?

Lewis Smedes says there are really four elements in forgiveness:

1. You surrender your right to get even.
2. You give your enemy's humanity back.
3. You get the freedom to wish that person well.
4. You are willing to be open to what God wills.

I think those are some powerful things. To me, I think the greatest roadblocks to actually asking for or extending forgiveness to others is that we don't understand it and what it's really for. We think forgiveness means telling someone what they did was really OK. We think it simply means tolerating bad behavior. We think it means there are no consequences, that we are just letting someone off the hook. Still some think that if you forgive someone you can instantly forget the wrong and trust the person all over again as if nothing happened. These are just some of the misconceptions about forgiveness. There are a whole lot more!

More than anything else, I believe forgiveness is necessary because God wills it. In one sense that should be enough. But if that was enough people would be tripping over themselves to forgive - and they aren't! But there is another reason. I think forgiveness is important because it frees us from being locked up in the prison of our past. If we cannot forgive, the only alternative left is to hold onto the anger, the pain, the wound, the loss, the betrayal, etc. In this way forgiveness is a gift from God that sets us free.

Here are some important steps:

1. Declare the wrong. - You can't forgive something unless there has been a wrong committed.
2. Acknowledge the bitterness of unforgiveness. - You can't move forward until you admit you are carrying bitterness and agree to put it down.
3. Decide to obey God instead of your feelings. - If we wait to feel like forgiving we never will.
4. Live out of the mercy line. - We cannot give what we have not received. Until we receive and internalize the forgiveness of Jesus we will not have the capacity to extend it to others.
5. Pray for you and for them. - Forgiveness is a supernatural act that only happens with God's help.
6. Make your forgiveness visible. - When forgiveness is real, you can see it. People live at peace. They reconcile and make restitution when possible.
   

What other elements in forgiveness might be left out here? What are some stories you have where you walked the road of forgiveness?

Forgiveness . . . Why NOT to stay away from it!

Psychiatrist Karl Menninger once said that if he could convince the patients in psychiatric hospitals that their sins were forgiven, 75 percent of them could walk out the next day! Even if this is exaggerated by half . . . that means over a third of the people! That is incredible.

Unfortunately as a pastor I have witnessed all too often how guilt and shame can incapacitate people, keeping them stuck in the past and unwilling or unable to move forward and be the person God has called them to be.

What prevents us from coming to God and receiving the forgiveness, the pardon for our sins, that we so desperately need?

• Fear – I don’t turn to God because I am afraid of what might happen.
• Lack of trust – I don’t turn to God because I really don’t think He will keep His promises.
• Refusal to change – I don’t turn to God because I want to go my own way, which is against His way.
• Pride is in control – I don’t turn to God because I would rather choose Hell over humility.
• Image management – I don’t turn to God because I don’t want to face reality.
• Self-righteousness – I don’t turn to God because I think I have to earn His favor.

There are probably other reasons that could be given, but I think it all ultimately boils down to the fact that we really don’t know who God is and what He is about – His nature. If we did, we wouldn’t be shackled to the guilt and shame that kills us.

Here are two important verses of scripture we all need to see, commit to memory and bury into the center of our spiritual DNA.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” – 1 John 1:9 (NIV)

We think of confession with images like an interrogation room in a Law and Order episode where the truth is squeezed out of us, but that is not what confession is for. God didn’t call us to confess our sins in order to humiliate us or even to keep us in check. He called us to confess our sins in order to give Him an opportunity to heal us with His grace and mercy. Confession and repentance then becomes a means for God to enter in and transform our lives. To not believe God can or will do this is to fundamentally call Him a liar.

“My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world.” – 1 John 2:1-2 (NKJV)

Propitiation means safe shelter. We can turn to God because He is the safe shelter for ALL sinners. When we turn to Him He extends the grace that can transform our lives forever. Without our turning to Him there is no place of safety and no avenue for grace to enter our lives. God is a safe shelter we can turn to and, when we do, He lifts the guilt and shame from our lives and sets us free.

Why would anyone avoid the safe shelter that God's forgiveness provides? What is another way to make this clearer?

Where I am or Who I am?

Paul boldly stated in Romans 8:1-2:

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.

That short passage of scripture makes clear what the two opposing sides are:

God's Side - the law of the Spirit of life
Evil/Satan's Side - the law of sin and death

The primary purpose of God's sending Jesus to earth wasn't to give us a good example to follow or even to teach what really is right and wrong. Jesus did both of those things, but that wasn't the main purpose for His coming to earth. The main purpose was to be a sacrifice for the sin that divided us from God and to erase the power of death to separate us from God. He did that on the cross and in His resurrection from the dead.

He broke the power of sin and death over our lives and offers us the opportunity to live under a new power - the Spirit of life in Christ. That life in the Spirit will transform us and help us live the life we were created to live all along. In Romans 8:28 Paul says that we are "predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son." We - all of us, Christian and non-Christian - have been pre-purposed to become people who look like Jesus. The issue is not who is pre-purposed or not, but rather who will receive Jesus and live by the Spirit of life.

So, if this is true, is there a specific plan for my life - to live in certain places and do certain things - or is the plan more fluid? In other words, does God care most about who I am or where I am?

One more thing. If this is true, how do I know if God's plan for me is going according to plan?

While I really want to dialogue about this subject with you and don't want to close off discussion, I will share where I come out. I believe the issue is who I am and who I am becoming. Am I a follower of Jesus and am I being conformed more and more into His likeness? I can know if my life is going according to plan if I can say He is the Lord (Leader) of my life and that my life (the things I say, think and do) reflects Him more today than it used to.

How do you see your life in line with God's plan and purpose for you?